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RANDOM
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered.
The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think the file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable."
BLOND JOKES
a blond a red head and a burnette were all walking down the street.the blond was looking for a microwave.the red head was looking for house and the burnette was looking for a tv.the burnette went to the tv store the red head went to the country side and the blond went with the burnette!!!
RIDDLES
What goes up when the rain comes down?
An umbrella
Q:What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A:Take out the pin and throw it back.
Q: Do you know what is black and blue and found in a ditch?
A: A man who told one to many blonde jokes.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks." and the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Whats dumber then 3 brunettes building a house underwater?
A:3 blondes trying to burn it down!
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
A: Because they go answer the door.
Once a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
CHRISTMAS JOKES
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"...
There once was a Tsar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. It's raining."
She, being the obstinate type, responded," I don't think so, dear. I think it's snowing."
But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife," Let's step outside and we'll find out."
Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried. ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''.
Kelvin was mowing grass in his garden, infront of his house. His neighbour, Alice, suddenly walked out of the door, slamming her door vigorously and open her mailbox and she groans. She went back inside. Then after a few minutes, she came out again and does the same thing continuously for three times. Kelvin was confused. So when she came out of her house again, Kelvin asks her, " Why you keep coming out of your house again and again and check your mailbox?," Alice replied," Because my computer said that I have a letter in my mailbox.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
Christmas, The time when everyone gets Santamental.
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it." The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see. And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.
Did u hear about the blonde who put lipstick on her forhead, so she could make up her mind.
There's santa clause,a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they all jump off a roof,who hits the ground first ?
The dumb blonde, because a smart blonde and santa clause dont exist.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home.
It seems Santas' little workers weren't cranking out enough toys for the upcoming Christmas run so Santa had to get them some help. He called up Jack and Jill and since they weren't doing anything they agreed to help out. They got along good with the elves and worked really hard. It wasn't long before they had more than enough toys made and Santa didn't need to keep both Jack and Jill working for him so he didn't know what to do....Lay Jill or Jack off.
A blond walks into a hair salon, wearing headphones.The beautician said that headphones were not allowed. So the blonde took them off. She sat on the couch and died after some time.The beautician later played the headphones, they were saying:breath in,breath out,breath in,breath out.........
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
According to the Alaskan Department of Fish and game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers 'till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl.
We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and NOT GET LOST
There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..." until a blonde came up to her and said, "that looks like fun, can I try?" The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.." "Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street" So the blonde said "OK" and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened. Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89...
